Tuesday, May 23, 2017

To Have...and to Have Not

Have you ever had one of those days where things just keep coming at you? I feel like the last 4 and a half years had been like that. I'm sorry for disappearing. I tried to reinvent myself over and over again, but I have returned to here. To this version of me. The truest version of me. I am so tired of being afraid of everything. I don't want that life for me. I don't want that life for my son. 

Yes, I have a son. Gabriel. He is my salvation, my saving grace. Having him has given my life a new meaning. I have better reasons to get in shape than to look a certain way. I need to be happy with myself, with my body, and with my choices I have made.

As I lay here, watching Bacall and Bogart fall in love, I think of how years ago I lay in an apartment of my own with a man who never feared showing his love for me. I learned "am I blue" for him, and sang it while I cooked. I know I did not pick this movie by accident. I saw this man today. I see him often, but I cannot talk to him, or look at him for too long without feeling that familiar tinge of regret and heartache. This man loved me, and I threw it away. By the time I wanted to take it back it was too late, and his hate for me had grown and festered into utter loathing. Years have passed, I do not know that his hate is still as bad as it once was, but I don't have any occasion to check otherwise. 

Are any of you still friends for exes? How do you even do it? The man I am with now is friends with everyone. I don't know how he does it. 

I miss having someone to talk about old movies with. To help educate me on comics, and push me to better myself. I feel like I have no one. Only Gabriel. He can't tell me what I need to be, but he pushes me to make sure he will have the life that he deserves. So that maybe, just maybe, he won't make the same mistakes that I have. 

Lauren Bacall has said before that although she lost Bogart while she was still young, and she remarried, she is still up front about how Humphrey Bogart was and still is the love of her life. She even made sure her new husband knew this. Is there even such thing as that level of love anymore? Where you have no doubts that you will never find another. That no matter how much time passes, you won't fall the way you did once. Could it be true that everyone has one true love. One big love. Is it too late? Have I had mine, am I in mine? Who knows. Lord knows I have no idea. 

Monday, April 23, 2012

Pictures, shows, and apologies - edited

Oh, Nobody....how I have neglected you. I am really sorry. To be honest life has been difficult. Obviously I am getting through it with the help of my loving boyfriend. Well, him and my diet. I live for myfitnesspal at this point. I have also gotten my sister, my boyfriend and soon one of my friends to join as well. On top of that I have started to be the go to person for diet and exercise advice! Much different from "what's a good type of cake?" sort of stuff...(by the way the answer would be red velvet with a light cream cheese icing....hehehe) However, I am guessing that you will be wanting some updates. Well the good news is I have some pictures (taken today) the bad news is that the physical numbers won't be up until tomorrow night (hopefully).

So, how about we do the pictures...I go to bed and we talk again tomorrow hmm?

 So? What do you think? Looking better? I think so! I'm pretty happy...weighed myself last week and I have lost at LEAST 25lbs since I started this journey, I also have some toning done. Yup - I am getting there!

You know what? I can talk for a bit longer? How about you? How have you been? Watch any good shows lately? I have! Even though I haven't watched much new stuff for some shows in the past few days, but I have definately found lots of stuff. My boyfriend and I discovered Game of Thrones - why wasn't I watching this sooner?! We burned through Season one and caught up on season two in TWO DAYS! Is that considered addiction? Yes, I believe that it is. Oh well.

 We have also been watching Justified and another Timothy Olyphant show (can't remember the name, all that I know is that he is a god (and I hate westerns haha). I also got into watching Once Upon a Time, I'm behind on this though :( I love the storyline, but some episodes I find are very dry...

Now, finally I have also been watching SMASH. I was a little scared to begin this show, I wasn't sure what I thought of it, however I have been listening to the soundtrack religiously and want nothing more than for that musical to be real (and to be a part of it lol) If you Marilyn fans haven't seen it, honestly give it a try. If only for all of the songs based on her life. I have a few favourites right now:

Mr and Mrs Smith - a love song between Marilyn and Joe DiMaggio (obviously before they divorced lol) - but honestly I want this song in my life and on my phone forever!
Lexington and 52nd Street: Marilyn fans should know that address. I'll give you a minute to think about it...got it yet? Well, if you don't you should know that is the corner where the infamous subway breeze (white dress) scene was filmed for Some Like It Hot. It is basically another side to DiMaggio's story regarding Marilyn's panty showing scene (in a non-going-to-go-beat-my-wife sort of way, but instead more of a "that's it, I've been defeated, I give up" sort of way.) It's really touching.
Finally (for now)  Let Me Be Your Star - is this song not self-explanatory? This is Marilyn's song. Every word of it screams her. Even the beginning: Fade in on a girl/With a hunger for fame/and a face/and a name to remember/the past fades away/because as of this day/Norma Jeane's gone/ She's moving on. *Sighs*

So...I may start doing movie reviews or something...been watching so many lately. Some of them over and over again *cough*TrueRomance*cough*

However, it is 1:30 am and I have a doctors appointment in roughly twelve hours. It's time for this little bird to go to bed.

Goodnight, Nobody. I will try to not neglect you so much.


*EDIT!! Seriously, no one called me on the movie name? The movie wasn't actually Some Like it Hot, it was a scene from The Seven Year Itch. Pfft, way to call me on my mistakes people!!


Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Just so you know...

Good afternoon Nobody. I am sorry that it has taken this long to write you, but a lot has happened and I have been unable to update you.

I have no measurements this week. I didn't do them as I have been spending the past week dealing with family issues, health issues and my FAVOURITE the police. Oh yes. I didn't get to tell you this yet! On March 1st I went to my apartment to collect my reward for getting down as much as I did last month. I had decided to splurge on myself and get a new haircut and colour. I love it, it's short, strawberry blonde and very retro. This is not the bad part though. While I was having my hair washed, someone walked over to the stylist's station and stole my 500$ cell phone. Obviously I am not a happy camper, especially since I am pretty sure I know who it was, and on top of that, after it was realized what had happened the Salon promised that I would have the perpetrator soon, as they have cameras and would look at them tomorrow (which turned out is not true - yes they have a camera, but they have to wait till the end of THIS week to check it - so nice of them to get my hopes up, isn't it?) Then, after we left (my sister, my boyfriend and I) were heading to a farewell get together for a work friend (moving to ENGLAND - so lucky!) - my boyfriends phone started to vibrate. The little jerks who stole my phone were texting everyone in my call list. They were going through my pictures and harassing me. I even tried to offer them money to get it back. Nothing worked. I had the phone company suspend my phone - now I am waiting for the video tapes and the police to take action (hopefully by Friday).

So. That was just one thing that went wrong last week. Do you still need more reasons as to why I didn't have time to do measurements? Good. So my faithful Nobody, you will simply be getting new measurements on the 11th or 12th next week. I am making a point to remember it. Although, next week is going to be busy too, so it is going to be a short update and I am sorry. One of my oldest friends is back from Japan that week and I haven't seen her in over a year. Then I have (more) doctors appointments and lots of other stuff I get to deal with. JOY!

Now. Through all of the business of the bad things, there was a small ray of light coming through. Our cat is having kittens. She looks to be between 4-6 weeks along. We are very excited and nervous. It looks as though our family is going to be getting bigger. I don't mind though, this is something to be happy about, and in life you need to have these moments to make this whole thing worth while.

Well, I should get back to work now, I shall chat with/at you later Nobody.


Tuesday, February 28, 2012


Oh my wonderful and faithful Nobody, how are you doing today? I am wonderful. Floating on cloud number nine actually. My boyfriend just took my measurement and I surpassed my goal for the month! That's right. I gave myself a goal of 1-1 1/2 inches. From January 29th  I have lost a total of 2.125 inches, bringing my grand total from the 8th of January up to 3.75 inches. Pretty good if you ask me.

I have joined My Fitness Pal, and loving every moment of it! I have even been allowing myself small things like cookies. I bake a batch, have one or two and then distribute them amongst my friends and family. Means that I get to bake and do what I love, and everyone else gets to enjoy the cookies :)

Sorry, this entry isn't going to be very big, basically just an update. I am just going to start putting up smaller updates when I have something worth updating now. So hopefully there will be no more rants!

Alright Nobody, you know the drill. Red is the original size measured on January 8th, green is my goal size, yellow is my present size and now blue will be the difference

Bust A: 44.5 n/a  41 3/8 3.125 inches
Bust B: 37 37.17 34 7/8 2.125 inches
Waist: 34.75 24.05 31  3.75 inches
Hips: 42 33.63 38 1/2 3.5 inches

So you can see why I would be happy right now. So Thursday I will be getting my reward! So I shall post an update on that when it is all said and done!

Well...that is all I am going to do then. Now for some inspiration!



Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Lateness...bad habit

Sorry, this whole being late thing is getting worse. I actually have two measurements to update you with. Sorry. This past little chunk of the month has been really busy and tedious to get through and to be honest when I finally have an hour to myself the last thing I seem to want to do is sit here and write to Nobody. Oh well. Lets get right into it.

First off, why haven't I been updating you when I DO have free time? Well...between work, the gym and family I only seem to get enough time to eat and sleep and SOMETIMES get an hour to myself. What do I do with that hour? Well, you remember that Kobo reader I told you about? Well, the first book I found and put on it I have not been able to tear myself away from for very long. Think of it as furthering my education towards my goal. That's right. I managed to find a copy of a Marilyn Monroe Biography! This one is The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe by J. Randy Taraborrelli.

So far it has completely enraptured me with her complicated childhood and her quick thrust into adulthood. Serioulsy, when I am done I may have to do a full review because right now I am only 35% though the book - and I don't want to bore you all with the blow by blow accounts of her life that I find so interesting. So if you don't hear from me, it is because I am with her, haha.

Alright. I'm not going to fill you in on all of the boring and tediousness that is my life, so I will just get it all out of the way and say that life is long and complicated and I'd feel much better if people would respond to my freaking phone calls! Okay. Now that we have that out of the way. On with the measurements! I will have to add yet another colour to represent last weeks (sorry). I also regret to say that I had (for a time) succumb to stress eating and therefore my measurements went up. I am also having my most wonderful time of the month right now (seriously if mother nature was really a woman then men would get this, not us!) so as most women know, this also affects measurements. So here we go!

** Red is the original size measured on January 8th, green is my goal size, aqua is last weeks size, yellow is my present size and now blue will be the difference

Bust A: 44.5 n/a 41 6/8 41 6/8  2.75 inches
Bust B: 37 37.17 35 7/8 35 1/2 1.5 inches
Waist: 34.75 24.05  33 32 1/2  2.25 inches
Hips: 42 33.63 39 6/8 39 1/8 2.875 inches

Alright. So. My first reactions? Well I'm surprised and happy, but at the same time I am incredibly disappointed in myself. I could be doing much better if I had more self-control. I will be working on that this week. I have also joined M.F.P (My Fitness Pal - google that shit) I have joined the millions who count calories, and I am freaking anal about it! I have made sure to add even the smallest thing to it just to make sure that it is telling me everything that I need to know. What have I learned? I work out a lot and I do not get enough protein! So, we'll have to work on that.

It's crunch time now though. I have one week to lose at the very least 1/8 of an inch - although I am shooting for a full 1/4. Then I get my reward! Even booked the appointment so now I have to work even harder, otherwise I will have to cancel it and feel like a failure. How's THAT for self-motivation!? So do you want to know what it is? TOO BAD! mwahahahaha. This is something that I am going to reveal if I get to it. If not - the number goes up and the goal gets transferred to next month.

Now, if you shall excuse me, I am going to lose myself in the written word on the life of Miss Marilyn and wait for my boyfriend to finish work for our gym date.

Until we speak again
See, sexy woman can cook!

Monday, February 20, 2012


I suck. No updates lately. I have still been keeping track of my measurements. Just a lot of stuff going on. Will put up a new post tomorrow after work. Sorry Nobody...life has gotten busy and I usually fight to have the time to sleep...especially since when I have free time all that I want to do is read!! (Damn new Kobo!!)

More tomorrow I swear!


Love that smile :)
Here's a freebee!

Thursday, February 09, 2012

To Quote the White Rabbit...

I'm late! I'm Late! For a very important date! No time to say "Hello"- Goodbye! I'm late, I'M Late! I'M LATE!

Good afternoon, Nobody. That's right. I haven't seen anyone really reading my blog at all, however that will not stop me. Instead I shall begin every blog addressed to "Nobody". Alright, so I'm late. Again. Sunday has now shifted to Thursday in my day planner. I could give you a thousand reasons why I am late posting. The long story involves doctors, work, and my brother "temporarily" moving in. The short story; Life sucks.

Alright. So it has been a very busy and long week, and it is not nearly over so I will just jump right into it. I did remember to take my measurements on Sunday, so it's not like I gave myself a few extra days to shed. Heck I don't think I shed much at all to be honest. In fact, I am adding a new category to my charts. From here on out I will also be posting the difference in size. We'll see how this goes. So. As always, red is the original size measured on January 8th, green is my goal size, yellow is my present size and now blue will be the difference. By now you should know where I take my measurements as well...let us begin!

Bust A: 44.5 n/a 41.75 2.75 inches
Bust B: 37 37.17 35.125  1.875 inches
Waist: 34.75 24.05  32.875  1.875 inches
Hips: 42 33.63 40 2 inches

Alright. So...my breasts have gotten smaller. Actually happy about that. I have been able to wear button up shirts again (yes, I am excited about this!) Other than that I think that I am hitting a plateau in being able to notice a difference. Oh well. When one stops being able to see it, one must amp it up! Which leads me into goals. Now, since this week is almost over I am not going to start out with "this week I will" Instead I am going to just tell you some changes I am going to be making to my eating and exercising.

The other night I went down to the gym and found it LOCKED (*gasp*) I was not happy, so I stomped up the stairs to my apartment and felt very defeated. However, instead of sitting on my butt and feeling sorry for myself, I grabbed my laptop and took it to the spare room, along with a water bottle, and an exercise mat I had laying around. Now, I stumbled upon her after some research through a fitness page I am on through FB. Now, I am pretty sure that I am going to be addicted. It's hard to explain how awesome this woman is so I'll just post her page and hopes that someone (that means you Nobody) checks it out.


The exercises are referred to as "Pop Pilates" Now, I know that doing pilates is actually AGAINST my goals, however she has these print outs of exercises, either do one page 4 times, or find 3 other pages to go with it. After a lot of filtering through the abundance of pages (keeping my goals and my abilities in mind) I have found four that I am going to start doing as of tonight. I will still be doing my running in the morning, then probably finish up my day with these as I find them somewhat relaxing. I'm thinking I'll do them for 14 days and see how it goes.  

On top of that, my next goal is to cut back - WAY back on my snacking. I am hoping to go out and get a workout/food journal tomorrow or Saturday, because I always feel obligated to write down even the smallest thing. Hopefully seeing all of it will help me get things under control.

I've also figured out an awesome motivation for myself (apart from the obvious, "yay I have an awesome body" thing) but I will share that next time ;) 

Until next time!